You’ve seen her before. You know who she is… she’s ‘that’ woman.
You’ve probably spied her in the grocery store, at the theater, or emerging from a taxi downtown. She’s wearing a slash of lipstick in a vivid shade like “Passionate Poppy” or “Fiery Fushia.” Her skirt’s a little too short, her heels are a trifle too high. She might be young, or not-so-young; she might even be a woman of a certain age. She’s opinionated, loves gossip, and laughs like a drain at jokes. (Especially dirty jokes.)
When I see a woman like that… well, to be honest, I can’t wait to be introduced. Because I know she’ll be funny, original, unconventional, and she won’t give two hoots in hell what anyone thinks.
In other words, she’s my kind of girl.
As Alice Roosevelt once famously said, “If you haven’t got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.”
Forget Emily and Elizabeth Post. Give me Edina and Patsy any day.
As women, there are so many rules we’re expected to follow from the time we’re little girls. Be nice, mind your manners, don’t speak out of turn, put others first. And most of those strictures are perfectly reasonable. After all, we should all mind our manners and put others first.
Some rules exist to protect us from harm. No one should run with scissors, for instance, or pass a car on the double yellow line, or swallow their chewing gum. And Coco Chanel was right – it is a good idea to remove one accessory before you leave the house. When it comes to fashion, less is definitely more.
But some rules are just… ageist, and stupid. For instance:
“Older women shouldn’t wear short skirts.”
Says who? I say, if you’ve got great legs, wear that above-the-knee skirt, no matter what your age. If you don’t believe that older women can still rock a short skirt, take a look at Carmen Dell’Orefice or Tina Turner. They put women half their age to sartorial shame. And their legs are still pretty spectacular, too.
“Older women should wear sensible shoes.”
Oh please. Define “sensible.” If you mean “stodgy, clunky brogans suitable for walking the Yorkies,” then sorry, unless I really am walking the Yorkies, it’s just not going to happen. (And I don’t have any Yorkies, so no brogans in my future, thank God.) I might agree to sport a two-inch kitten heel vice a towering stiletto, but frankly, that’s about as sensible as I’m willing to be.
“Older women should wear short hair; long hair is ageing.”
Who made up this rule? A geriatric hairdresser with a fetish for blue rinses? To me, nothing’s more ageing than a short, over-styled helmet head that’s been ruthlessly sprayed into submission with a cloud of Elnett. If a woman has healthy hair in a nice shade of blonde, red, brown, or silver – whether it’s natural, or dyed – why in the world shouldn’t she wear it as long as she wants? After all, long hair works very well for Jane Seymour and Emmylou Harris.
Of course, a short crop, à la Helen Mirren or Judy Dench, can be sexy too. It all comes down to this: a woman ought to wear her hair – or the length of her skirt – as long or as short as she likes. Whether her hem is up to her hoo-ha or her hair is grazing her rear, if it looks good and makes her feel good, too – then that’s all that matters. Period.
How dull life would be if we all did what we ‘should,’ and never what we shouldn’t.
So… the next time you see ‘that’ woman, whether she’s doing the school run or sitting next to you in church, even if her skirt’s a bit too short or her heels a bit too high, don’t sniff and eye her with disapproval. Introduce yourself. Strike up a conversation. You might just find that you have more in common than you think.
And, if you’re very lucky, she might lean over and share that uproariously filthy joke she just heard…