On Saturday, I made my bi-monthly trip to the bookstores. (Yes, that’s right – ‘bookstores,’ plural. I love me some bookstores.)
I returned home with an armload of September fashion magazines (and a dislocated shoulder from the combined weight of all of those September issues, but that’s another story for another blog), and I was very pleased with my score.
As I settled down on the sofa with a cup of coffee and began flipping through the glossy, gleaming pages, I decided to take note of my thoughts as I eyeballed the editorial pages and adverts. So, in no particular order, and in a totally random fashion (ha ha), here are my random musings.
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Alexa Chung is really tall. And really skinny.
Did you know the plural of ‘bon mot’ is ‘bons mots’? Me either.
Do the super-wealthy do nothing but go to parties and charity balls??
NO ONE’S hair is as glossy and smooth as the model’s in the hair ad. I have it on good authority that everything is Photoshopped and retouched. This reassures me.
Why do models & fashion bloggers always pose pigeon-toed? Same with those weird, fish-lipped glamour selfies. You look ridiculous, ladies.
Don’t tell anyone, but I bought these sunglasses at the DOLLAR STORE! #myfashionsecret #dollarstorechic
I’m always amused by the ‘Lust’/’Must’ feature. I can’t afford either the ‘more expensive’ (‘Lust’) OR the ‘less expensive’ (‘Must’) version. Can we add a third category – let’s call it ‘Bust’ – and feature, perhaps, clothes from Wal-Mart?
Me…okay, not me…looking casually fashionable
Pink hair just isn’t a good look. On anyone.
Seventies fashions looked stupid then. They look stupid now.
Sorry, but Zadig & Voltaire still sounds like the name of a comedy team. Or a vaudeville act.
What’s with these small, square purses that look like my third grade lunchbox? Do they come with a Thermos? And maybe a banana and a squashed peanut butter and jelly sandwich?
Does Kristen Stewart ever smile? She scowls. She grimaces. She smirks. C’mon, Kris – give us a real smile! Just once.
Why is it okay for us women to ogle photos of half-naked men (like David Gandy), yet we scream ‘sexism’ if men ogle half-naked photos of us ladies?
Look at me all you want, ladies. But just know that I hate you for it.
Kate Moss still looks amazing.
Does anyone actually wear this stuff? The only normal-looking clothes – and the only ones I can afford – are in the H&M ads.
Rene Gruau’s illustrations should appear far more often on fashion pages than they do.
And here we go again with the scowling thing…do you ever smile, Henry Cavill?
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So there you have it. I confess, I’m not remotely fashion-y. I can’t afford the clothes, and I sure as hell don’t look like a model. So why do I continue to buy and devour these fashion magazines every. Single. Month??
I guess it’s because fashion is the ultimate fantasy, where anyone can reinvent themselves with new clothes, hair, shoes, or makeup. In the time it takes me to page through a fashion spread, I can imagine I’m a slim, gorgeous model wearing a trendy Kate Spade tartan skirt and a heather-soft Pringle coat, wandering through the gorse on a misty Highlands morning as Patrick Demarchelier photographs my every move.
Hey. It could happen. Because in the glossy pages of a fashion magazine? Anything’s possible.