It’s My Party (And I’ll Rant if I Want To)

I love social media. I do. My friends tease me all the time, accusing me of living on planet Twitter. I really do love the interaction, meeting new people, making friends, and sharing jokes, Buzzfeed quizzes, and silly videos.

But there are a few mistakes I’ve noticed people making on Twitter and Facebook, again and again. And I think it’s time to address them.

 

Grumpy Old Man and Boy

‘Honest, Mr. Crotchety! I swear it was that durned @SilverMoon_19672 who didn’t retweet you!’

 

So I’ve decided to share a few of the things I see all the time on social media that really irritate the holy you-know-what out of me. Here goes:

  • If someone reTweets you, reTweet ’em back. Not that I keep track, exactly – I’m not an ‘I gave you three reTweets, you owe me three back, dammit’ kind of person – but unless you’re Beyoncé or Stephen King, try to return the favor once in a while. Or maybe twice in a while. Or if you just can’t be bothered to reTweet, at least have the courtesy to say thank you.
  • If you reTweet me, provide a recent link of your own I can share. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve gone to someone’s Twitter feed and scrolled…and scrolled…and scrolled, only to find they’ve retweeted everyone including Jesus and his disciples, but I can’t find a single Tweet of their own. My time is limited. So if I can’t find your Tweet, guess who won’t be getting a retweet back?
  • If you request a reTweet from a Facebook page, include your Twitter handle. Not everyone knows who you are or how to find you on Twitter – ESPECIALLY if your Twitter handle is something like @GlitterPony7 or @luv2write. And guess what? If I can’t find you listed by your name (or pen name) on Twitter, I can pretty much guarantee no one else will find you, either. Not a prospective reader, not an editor interested in acquiring new fiction, not another writer – no one. Think about that, and then think seriously about changing your Twitter handle from @GroovyWriterGurl to @JaneSmythe.  Be professional.
  • Please, for the love of God, DON’T DM ME. I don’t know you yet. I don’t want to buy your book/like your page/read your blog/pet your dog. Not yet, anyway. Get to know me first. Asking someone to buy your book when they’ve just followed you back is like laying a French kiss on someone you just met. It’s tacky and annoying, and kind of icky. Don’t do it.
  • Don’t use auto-follow programs.  I won’t follow you back if you (a) have a huge following but are following only 15 people; (b) I’ve seen you pop up on my follow list numerous times before; or if (c) we have nothing in common (i.e., Men’s Dirtbag Humor or Things Teenaged Girls Say).  Not interested.  I won’t follow you back. Have a nice day.
  • Write, don’t talk.  Instead of endless discussions on Facebook and Twitter about writing, plotting, characterisation, or using Scrivener versus Word, here’s a thought – how about actually writing instead? You know, writing a book – that thing with pages, and sentences, and paragraphs. After all, a book doesn’t write itself. A fancy writing program or a set of coloured index cards or posting nineteen pictures of hot men without shirts on Pinterest doesn’t get your book written. Writing gets it written. Sad, but true.

So, there you have it – my personal list of curmudgeonly pet peeves.  What are yours?

 

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