Dear Diary,
Day 1: Have decided to write a book. Yes, a book! Lots of ideas are percolating in my head. Now – must just get them down on paper and into Word. Can’t wait to begin…
Day 5: This writing thing is a lark. I’ve created character sketches, decided on a plot, and I even have a “mood board” with pictures of characters and places posted on the wall. Will be a piece of cake. As for my day job – will work around it.
Think I’ll celebrate my new career with a nice glass of Prosecco.
Day 21: Must research (1) Blood Types (teen character is injured and ends up in surgery, poor girl) and (2) Department Stores. Hmm, just had a brilliant idea – will go shopping. (Well, inspecting the latest handbags and shoes at Macy’s counts as research, surely? If it doesn’t, it should.)
Day 57: Have decided this writing thing is not all it’s cracked up to be. Just realized will need to put in a subplot. What’s a subplot? And who needs one of those, anyway?
Day 98: Finished first draft of book; subplot duly inserted. Hurrah! Now, must go back to page one and start the editing process. Shouldn’t take too long…
Day 113: Where did all these flipping mistakes come from?
Day 116: Okay, edits are done, formatting is tidied up, am now ready to send out my query letter. But first, must write query letter. Will just dash one off on my lunch break…
Day 116: No one told me that writing a query letter would be more difficult than fitting my size twelve bottom into a size six pair of jeans.
Day 118: Okay, query letter is ready. It’s catchy, it’s one page – and it’s perfect. Now, then, will just attach query to an email, hit send… and get myself a literary agent. Easy-peasy.
Day 125: What do all these literary agencies mean, ‘thank-you-for-your-interest-but-this-doesn’t-fit-our-current-needs’? Of course you need me! I’m amazingly talented! And as for all those other agencies – the ones who didn’t even bother to respond (you know who you are) – you’re making a serious mistake. I could be the next J.K. Rowling! The next Sophie Kinsella! The next…
oh, hell, where’s that damned Prosecco? I need a drink.
Day 126: Hungover. Am crap writer. Worse still, am crap writer with a pounding head and a serious case of dehydration.
TO BE CONTINUED…
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